How can I get my three-year-old girl to share toys with her one-year-old brother? She gets hysterical when the baby so much as looks at her toys
Dr Richard Woolfson's Answer:
Sharing is one of those challenging skills that have to be learned - few children share naturally, without complaint, especially when it's with a younger brother who gives nothing back in return. Your daughter is probably fed up seeing her carefully sorted toys break or disappear in front of her eyes, as her baby brother grabs everything in sight! No wonder she gets annoyed.
There are two ways to approach this. First, explain to your three-year-old that it is kind to share, and that she will benefit when her brothers shares his toys with her (there must be something of his she wants to play with, for instance, his construction toys). It may help to supervise sharing episodes so that, for example, the baby gets one of her toys (for example, a soft toy) for five minutes and then she gets to play with one of his for the same amount of time. Second, continually remind each of your children about the concept of asking before taking. They should never just grab one of the other's toys, without seeking permission. In time, your involvement like this will help both your children learn to share with each other and with their friends.
How can I encourage my two-year-old girl to play with her toys for longer? She doesn’t like to sit still and concentrate on anything for very long.
Doctor Woolfson's Answer:
How long do you expect her to concentrate for at this age? Are your expectations reasonable? Remember that children this age typically prefer to be on the move the whole time rather than sitting down to one activity for any length of time. How does her concentration compare to others her own age? Assuming, however, that her ability to focus is weaker than you can reasonably expect, there is lots you can do to help build her concentration, though bear in mind that progress is likely to be in small stages.
Choose some toys where the end of play is different from the beginning. For example, wooden threading beads start off with no beads on the thread and end up with some on the chord; likewise, animal snap cards require her to match two cards that are the same, until all the cards in the pack are matched. Then sit with her while she plays with the item herself, or play with her if it is a game that involves turns. Either way, your presence will encourage her to play for longer. Give her lots of gentle encouragement to persist with the activity for a few seconds more. Set a target time limit at the start (for instance, one minute) and when that time has been reached, end that game, telling how pleased you are with her for playing for so long. Gradually build up the amount of time she plays by a few seconds each day
My two-and-a-half year old won’t sit and listen when I read him books – how can I get him more interested?
Doctor Woolfson's Answer:
There are lots of activities to stimulate his interest in reading – but make sure they are all fun. Start by providing a good choice of books to read. Picks ones that are written specifically for his age group, and that have child-centred pictures which your two-year-old can look art while you read the story to him. In addition, there are plenty of children’s books that are very tactile, involving the child touching or pulling parts of the page. The more he is actively involved in the story-telling experience, the more he will be interested.
As well as that, use this activity as an opportunity for you and your son to get closer to each other emotionally. For example, he can sit on your knee as you read to him, or cuddle up to you as he sits on the chair beside you. Tell him how much you enjoy reading to him. Use varied voice tone to match the story line, and ask him afterwards about the story, for instance, what happened, the name of the central character, and so on. These techniques make the whole episode much more satisfying and more interesting for your child.
We have lots of toys but my toddler hardly plays with them any more. How can I get him interested in them again?
Doctor Woolfson's Answer:
The first step in re-engaging your toddler is to understand why he has lost interest. There are many possible explanations, for instance, he might be bored with same toys day after day, he might have too many toys to play with and simply doesn’t know where to begin, he might have lost his confidence in play because he has found the toys too challenging, or he might have an underlying learning difficulty that makes his toys too demanding for him. Could any of these possibly apply to your toddler?
Whatever the cause of his drop in interest, however, there are things you can do to motivate him again. Pick one or two toys that are specifically for his age group, and then watch how he plays with them. When his interest wanes, get involved yourself. Play with your toddler using these toys. Show him how they can be used, and then encourage him to copy you. The chances are that he’ll happily take his lead from you. Keep it fun, though, not serious. Your involvement in his play makes the whole experience more exciting and pleasurable for him. Once he starts to re-engage, gradually give him more toys and broaden out his play activities. If his lack interest persists despite your support, it would be worth having an informal chat with your family doctor about your concerns.
Doctor Woolfson's Answer:
This is a challenge for you because boys typically enjoy rough-and-tumble play, and you can’t keep an eye on them every second of the day. The problem with pretend fighting is that children often have difficulty knowing where to draw the line, knowing when pretend fighting stops and real fighting starts. This is particularly true of a child your toddler’s age. The chances that your two-and-a-half-year-old thinks that whacking his pals in nursery is the same fun as rough-and-tumble-play with his older brothers. As far as he is considered, what’s a laugh at home is also a laugh at nursery. Unfortunately, his peers don’t find this at all amusing.
My suggestion is that you do what you can to discourage play fighting at home. This won’t be easy but it worth a try. If you think this would be too difficult to achieve, discourage your two oldest boys from drawing your youngest into this activity, or even from play fighting in front of him. Explain to them why you want this to stop, for example, because he is now hitting others in the nursery, because he is too young to understand where to draw the line. They are old enough to understand what you are telling them.
In addition, take a gentle but firm approach with your toddler himself. Point out that he mustn’t raise his hands to anyone in the nursery, that the others won’t play with him if he hits them, and that hitting them makes them upset. Repeat this message regularly until he becomes more settled. Check with nursery staff each day about his behaviour, until you are satisfied that incidents like this have diminished.
Doctor Woolfson's Answer:
Once you have selected a nursery for your daughter, let her get to know the staff and children there before she starts attending regularly Take her on two or three short getting-to-know-you visits so that she is familiar with the environment before the first day. Her confidence will be much higher. You should also remember that some children are shy by nature, and they are just as likely to be happy as children who are more outgoing. In other words, there is nothing wrong with her.
But if you definitely want to try to reduce her shyness at this stage, you can ask a small number of children her age to your house to play. Make sure you have the time to supervise them while they are together, and to provide structured play for them. Toys such as a sandpit or a set of play farmyard animals provide great opportunities for children to play together. Don't push your daughter too hard to be talkative and outgoing in these situations. Allow her confidence to build gradually. The more structured play experiences she has with other children before she starts nursery, the better for her social confidence.
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